So I jizzed last night, or in more common “lady” terms, I squirted. I’ve gushed during a good fingerbanging session before, but this time it was different, because this time I squirted without cumming. I was rubbing away at my clit as my boyfriend forcefully pounded at my G-spot with his curled fingers, and suddenly I felt this pool of liquid trickling out of me, forming a prominent puddle on my sheets. It was surreal but also pretty freaking neat because it was the first time that my climax and ejaculation hadn’t happened simultaneously.
I knew that it wasn’t anything to get weirded out about because earlier this year I took a female ejaculation workshop with Shannon Bell at the feminist sex shop, Come As You Are. Bell is a feminist performance philosopher and a pioneer in female ejaculation. She started by talking about historical knowledge and attitudes towards female ejaculation while explaining the anatomy and power of the G-spot, which she called the “female phallus.”
A petite, slender woman, sporting long dreadlocks and a Star of David tattoo above her left breast, Bell stripped in front of a group of us seated in rows of chairs and announced that the first row was the splash zone. In fact, once when she held this workshop a group of women coming from the office sat in the front row dressed in nylons and heels and Shannon managed to squirt down one of their legs. Talk about aim.
Next she lay down on a towel and used various toys to stimulate her G-spot while describing her methods, as nonchalant as ever. I was amazed that she was able to remain so poised until she explained that she rarely climaxed during her workshops, because she is so focussed on teaching. She also emphasized that female orgasms don’t necessarily sinc up with ejaculation (and the same goes for men) which is a concept that I hadn’t been aware of before. She proved her point by squirting multiple times without climaxing (drinking water in between, to stay hydrated) and even inserted a speculum inside her vagina and invited us to come closer to see the spongy upper wall as she pumped her muscles quickly, contracting the pink G-spot bump. She explained the mechanics of squirting as contracting the pelvic floor muscles, followed by a burning sensation, like when you have to pee, then bearing down as if you are going to pee. But you probably won’t, and if that fear is stopping you from going for the big squirt with a partner, Shannon advised, “just pee on them.” If that’s what it takes to get over it. You can also pee right before you play with a partner, do it in the shower, or lay down a towel or a plastic sheet, reducing the mess.
The “Oh-no-I’m-about-to-pee” factor scared me off G-spot orgasms for a while, and the worry is common. One particular experience triggered a lot of shame and made me believe that G-spot orgasms just weren’t in the cards for me. My first serious boyfriend liked to finger me a lot, and I liked it a lot too, especially when he rammed away at my vag from behind in the shower. But I always made him stop before I came because I felt like I was about to pee and got overwhelmed by it.
So one time we laid down a towel on his bed and decided come hell or high water (literally), this time he wouldn’t stop. And when I came I gushed everywhere. To this day I still don’t know if that was the first time I ejaculated or not, but in my mind I was mortified at the thought that I had peed on him. And he was none too pleased either.So for a while I stopped trying to understand my G-spot or squirting with a partner. When other women explained their experiences I felt like I was the exception, like I was broken or something. And I refused to challenge those thoughts for a while because the possibility of repeating that experience was too embarrassing.
But thankfully my insatiable curiosity got the better of me and I finally realized, with the help of some open minded partners, how amazing G-spot orgasms are, and that fear of peeing shouldn’t prevent me from learning more about my body and my pleasure. Now I just need to figure out how to shoot a mini geyser all over someone’s leg and I’m set.